Mum and I

Feel like sharing that one
I’ve been hanging out with my mother lately
It taught me so much
She’s a source of so many teachings
I used to have a very conflictual relationship with her
Due to trauma and all
The more I integrate
The more I have a fullfiling relationship with her
That feels so good
We’re good friends now
It’s not like it used to be
Used to be a nightmare lol
But I don’t know… Today is different
I see a different spectrum of our relationship
I’ve healed a lot
I don’t see her the same way I used to
I don’t blame her the way I used to
Like, she’s not what I need the most
Well, I mean, she cannot answer some of my very important needs
But she does answers some of them
And I feel good not blaming her anymore for not being the “superhero”I was looking for as a kid
Shes who she is
And that’s just fine
With her, I learn to let go of this obsession of being in the relationship space, the space where we connect, and talk about what going on between us
I learn to detach to talk about my feelings to somebody
It’s sad yes, on one side
On the other it’s not
It’s more freedom
I get that with other people
I have people I can talk to today
People I can connect with
And gosh I’m thankful for that
I don’t know
I’m thinking that
She never asks how I am, so that kindof is a relief sometimes, I can do my internal work in her company while I talk to her, she won’t really ask questions and invalidate me
As she also do not ask what I’m thinking about, she’ll never make me feel the uncomfortable side of relationships
That’s a blessing, at some point, at certain moments
I feel like life is offering me this experience, as to grow and learn something new
I do learn a lot with her and that’s great
Honestly I can say we have a happy relationship
We’re not soul mates
She’s not the person I wanna live with for sure
She’s not my best friend
But we can find a common territory where I’m not blaming her for the suffering I do feel.

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